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burkefamily@integrity.com

Kissing

15 posts in this topic

I agree with Renee, I don't think it is "wrong" in and of itself but it is a step down a path that just gets harder and harder to turn back the farther you go. Plus you give parts of your heart away.... As a kid, this was true for me. As a parent I don't know yet what I'll do since my oldest is only 12 and we are discouraging any sort of dating or boyfriend type situation until much older. 

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hmmmmm.......I am not sure what I think because my 10 year old see's no point in showering, so its hard to imagine him kissing anyone at this point! lol

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On 2/23/2018 at 9:19 AM, mphavens214@att.net said:

hmmmmm.......I am not sure what I think because my 10 year old see's no point in showering, so its hard to imagine him kissing anyone at this point! lol

HAHAHAHAHA that is a positive way to look at your kids not showering!!!

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Yes cleanliness we try......but we have no interest in females, so I think I'm good for another couple of years anyway....Until that darn puberty! :)

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On 2/23/2018 at 10:19 AM, mphavens214@att.net said:

hmmmmm.......I am not sure what I think because my 10 year old see's no point in showering, so its hard to imagine him kissing anyone at this point! lol

Too funny!!

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I think it should be personal preferance for the couple. It could lead to other things yes, but that in and of itself is a slippery slope fallacy. I mean, what would holding hands lead to, talking to girls, what would that lead to?

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20 hours ago, burkefamily@integrity.com said:

I think it should be personal preferance for the couple. It could lead to other things yes, but that in and of itself is a slippery slope fallacy. I mean, what would holding hands lead to, talking to girls, what would that lead to?

I think it all comes back to how we raise our kids and their convictions. Do we teach them purity, courting, ect... Maybe as parents we don't want our kids to make the same mistakes we did as a teen.

Very true it does come to a personal preference. Sometimes no matter what we teach our kids, it comes down to our kids responsible for their actions. All we can do is teach them to be responsible, caring, and Godly young men and women, and to pray for them.

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I think Renee hit it on the head....once a kid is old enough to be in a situation where there might be kissing you can't really control what they are doing. So it isn't so much about "allowing" or "forbidding" it as instilling the values and creating a relationship where they feel comfortable talking to you (as the parent) and consulting you and then trusting them to make their own decisions about their boundaries. 

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I'm curious if the person asking is the 14 year old.  Are your parents ever on this forum, or are all posts with this email made by the teen?   Knowing what perspective the question comes from helps us frame a response.  Not that it would necessarily be different, just maybe directed more to a 14 year old than a parenting aspect.

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On 3/16/2018 at 6:50 PM, burkefamily@integrity.com said:

Yes, I am the 14 year old. My parents are not on the forum. All posts are mine.

I'll give you my opinion. Don't be in hurry to give your heart away. Renee's post from earlier mentioned us not wanting our kids to make the same mistakes we made, and sometimes that is giving the wisdom to wait. As parents we are trying to instill a desire for our daughters to follow God's leading for their lives, not work to fit in with the world.

Our almost 20 year old daughter has admitted she would like to have a boyfriend, but she does not have one right now. She knows that when she hears 12-14 year olds talk about their "boyfriends" they have no real idea yet about how difficult being an adult is. They do not understand how many hours you have to work to pay for your car or eat, or but new shoes. Most guys under 20 cannot support themselves, so why would she think they are ready to marry her... and the point of dating or courtship is supposed to be to find a spouse. These young teens wonder why she doesn't spend time trying to get a boyfriend. Well, frankly, she is too busy working on living her own life and figuring out what she wants to do and where God wants her to go to spend all her free time looking for a guy. She has some really good friends that she spends time with, some of them are guys, some are girls, but they always hang out in a group. Even for the ones that may some day end up being married, doing things as a group at this point in their lives takes the pressure off. They can have fun, they can have either serious or funny talks, and in the end, they are all still friends.

Our almost 18 year old has some friends that are guys, but for the most part, she still thinks guys are gross, or maybe a better term would be slightly immature. She knows she is not ready for marriage, so she has no reason to be looking for a boyfriend. She enjoys spending time with her friends, and she is letting God mold her into the person that will one day hopefully make a good wife. The other day we passed a house that she has admired for a while, and I told her that someday, when God brought her architect/ engineer/ cowboy, bbqing chef, future husband to our door to ask for her hand I would be sure to let him know that she wants a dormer window in her house with a seat for reading books.

It's ok to dream a little about your future spouse, but it is wise to remember that the serious ones will be looking to see if you are a person to cherish for a lifetime. If you are 14 then you should not be in a relationship where kissing is involved, because you're not of an age to truly consider marriage. When you meet the right one some day, you'll be glad you waited. :)

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I pretty much agree with Carole, and that is coming from someone who had a "boyfriend" since she was in Jr. High. First kiss and all. Had a steady boyfriend through high school who she almost married then married someone else at just shy of 19. I had no business with boyfriends and definitely had no business kissing boys. I lost a lot of time, energy, and innocence when I should have been studying, testing my gifts and talents, and having fun being a kid. We encourage our kids to not worry about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships until they are old enough (or at least close to old enough) to marry as well. Granted our oldest is 12 but we will keep encouraging that. We will encourage them to make friends, think a bit about what they would like their adult lives to be like, study, work on their gifts and vocations, grow closer to God, and build their relationships with their family. 

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My personal view is that kissing is one of those gifts for your spouse that is saved till marriage. I just think it will be so much more special and worthwhile if I wait, and besides if you start with something seemingly small, where will you draw the line? 

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